Goodbye old friend

Hey Bes! Remember when you used to pick me up at my house and we would go to Baywalk before going to school? It was so much fun but then we would always be late.. and everyone thought that we were having a "secret" relationship? It was so much fun wasnt it? To hear the rumors that was going around school. Haha! And remember the time that we were teasing your recent girlfriend, when we made her believe that it was more expensive to eat inside a restaurant all because we just wanted to smoke? I can still remember her reaction.. I miss the old days.. Life was much more simplier back when we were highschool.. We used to drive around and make fun of people, drink slurpees until we get brain-freeze, exchange funny stories and just laugh our asses off. You were the only one on my side when the bully on our school decided to fuck with me. You were the only one who stood up for me and believed that I can do whatever I want in my life. I was so sad that you werent able to go to our graduation coz u had to go to the US. I didnt feel special even when I received my awards.. I wanted you so much to be there. Remember the angel figurine that you gave me? I still have it you know.. and the name tags that we wore to that soiree party that you hated so much. Hehe..

Bes.. Why didnt you tell me that you came back here 2 months ago? Why didnt you tell me that you were back.. I missed you so much you know.. I missed spending time with you and riding on your car that smelled like your grandfathers cologne.. Why didnt you tell me that you were still sick? I wouldve understood.. Jam sent me a text message a while ago.. She said that you were gone.. Is that true? Bes.. Why didnt you wait for me..? I had so many things that I wanted to say.. things that I wanted to do.. You promised we'd do the paint ball thing once you come home.. It hurts that I wasnt there for you, that I wasnt able to hold your hand.. the way i used to when you had your chemotherapy here. Do u still remember?

I miss you Bes.. and you will always be a part of me.. I just wish I had the chance to say goodbye. I wont be at your funeral.. you know how much I hate going to funerals right? I dont wanna see u in a casket.. I wanna remember you as the cheerful guy who would never ever be embarassed by carrying my pink handbag.. or the guy who screamed the loudest when we would play.. I wanna remember you as my bestfriend. not some thin guy with a fake smile on a casket..

I hope you found your peace.. that you're n a happy place.. I hope that wherever you are, you wont have to worry about the people that u left behind, that you wouldnt be able to feel the pain that you felt when you were still alive.. I will miss you alot.. maybe more than I thought I would. Theres so many things that I wanted to say and do before you go but its too late.. the only thing I can do now is to pray that you be happy wherever you are.. I cried for you and now I'll smile.. not because I'm happy but because even though you're gone, you still left me the best memories a girl can have.. Thank you so much Joseph. Goodbye..